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Thread: The Lost Verses of the Koran

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    I am Mephistopheles lemnoc's Avatar
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    The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Guaranteed to make you laugh if you're an infidel, and piss off muslims of you're one of those wankers -

    http://lostversesofthekoran.blogspot.com/

    A hilarious Koran satire for devoted infidels of all ages. Lost Verses of the Koran relates the depraved sexual adventures and wanton bloodthirstiness of Holy Prophet Muhammad, founder of Islam, with his dimwitted, incestuous, fanatical henchman, Abu Bakr, at his side. The story moves from their miraculous desert flight to their conquering of pagan Mecca by a fanatical horde of murderous, debauched, licentious Muslim perverts.

    'Prophet' Muhammad, a 52 year old human failure, is an angry, epileptic, drunken paedophile hashish addict and atheist con man from Mecca, who invents the religion of Islam like a prototypical L. Ron Hubbard. Insane, though brilliant, Muhammad's seizure induced Koranic babblings play on the ignorant superstitions of his fellow Arabs, who he uses to exact revenge upon his hometown. He dupes his gullible followers into believing that he is the messenger of the moon god Allah, which he preaches is a gluttonous, drunken cosmic hog that rules the universe with his three porcine brothers, one of which suffers from cyclopia. The cunning, paedophile lunatic Muhammad convinces his burly henchman, Abu Bakr, to join him, convincing him along the way that it is Allah's will for him to rape Abu's six year old daughter Ayesha. Abu learns that he too will have sex with his daughter and sire Fatimah, his future incestuous bastard child.

    Slaughtering thousands of innocents in Arabia along the way, psychopath Muhammad, who is in reality so debauched, lazy and devoted to the pleasures of the flesh that he must always surround himself with fanatical zombies to do his bidding, has his first invading army annihilated by the Meccans, to his perverse pleasure. This begins a rift with his devoted henchman Abu, who begins to doubt the words and actions of the Holy Prophet. Recouping, Muhammad then assembles a vicious horde of pirates, brigands, perverts, killers and paedophiles, attacking Mecca once again, his conquering minions disguised as a harmless caravansary.

    The Lost Verses of the Koran climaxes at Surah 129 in an ironic twist, and goes on to explain in Surah 130 why Islam is such a contradictory, backward, violence filled religion today.

    A PDF version is available for FREE download at the following link:

    http://www.keepandshare.com/doc8/539...-pdf-162k?da=y
    Last edited by lemnoc; 01-30-2015 at 04:59 AM.

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    Sir Gonzo the Wise Dr.Gonzo's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Do you watch Housos?
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    I love Dr. Gonzalez.
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    Vanda1 your a faggot.

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    I am Mephistopheles lemnoc's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.Gonzo View Post
    Do you watch Housos?
    Nope - threw the telly out two decades ago.

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    Sir Gonzo the Wise Dr.Gonzo's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    I like Housos. And Nick Cave.
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    I love Dr. Gonzalez.
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    Vanda1 your a faggot.

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    I am Mephistopheles lemnoc's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    I like old stuff - Yank shows like Star Trek and bands like Tull & Zeppelin.

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    Grande Master of MENSA FRANTIK's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    he called it a telly. I like this chap.
    Hidden Content Originally Posted by Urethra Franklin Hidden Content
    So when your wife looks at your floppy ass behave retarded by farting and expecting her to think of you as anyone other than the gross slob that tricked her into picking up after like your goal was to be intimate with your mother until your friends managed to somehow take a distraction to get your parents as far away from you the problem that had no real relationship outside of you feeling like your parents are obligated to love.

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    .Clown Jesus. Urethra Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    One of my exes lived with a couple Muslim bachelors for a summer. She said queering off is second nature to muslims

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    .Clown Jesus. Urethra Franklin's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    If a Muslim pissed me off I'd be all like "a buddy what's say you go get that ninja u call a wife over here and I'll show her what an orgasm feels like"

  9. #9
    High Priest Devil Dodger -Kue-'s Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    I'm not sure this classifies as a parody of the Koran, more a layman's translation.
    I promote Sutter Kain music - I fuck up. I play video games - I fuck up. I try to love someone more than my whole life - I fuck up.

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    aka Krapulax Eastside Gorilla's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    sounds like something esham could have come up with...
    wait, esham came up with this shit in 1986 !

  11. #11
    I am Mephistopheles lemnoc's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    I stand corrected mate - perhaps satire is a better description.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Not the above silliness I wrote - hope you like it.

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    No 2 Larry's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    17'in in 2019

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    13.F.ND Howdy's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Quote Originally Posted by Larry View Post
    Finally. Someone who makes sense of all this nonsense.
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    Rectangular Business Man Bobby Nipples's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Great stuff. Totally got me hard. 9/10, would masturbate to this again.

  15. #15
    Rectangular Business Man Bobby Nipples's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Just finished reading the whole thing... really enjoyed it. An excellent piece of mythology. I actually gasped out loud a couple of times.

    I wouldn't necessarily describe it as "hilarious", but I thought it a fascinating study into the nature of religion, prophets, and true believers... in that way it reminded me of Dune, oddly enough.

    Thanks for the read.
    Last edited by Bobby Nipples; 01-30-2015 at 08:32 PM.

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    I am Mephistopheles lemnoc's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Quote Originally Posted by Bobby Nipples View Post
    Just finished reading the whole thing... really enjoyed it. An excellent piece of mythology. I actually gasped out loud a couple of times.

    I wouldn't necessarily describe it as "hilarious", but I thought it a fascinating study into the nature of religion, prophets, and true believers... in that way it reminded me of Dune, oddly enough.

    Thanks for the read.
    You're welcome mate - I'm glad you enjoyed it, please feel free to share my 'lost verses' with everyone, it's FREE to all who want it - print it out if you like - mail copies to mosques, media, government, et cetera, for laughs.

    Curiously enough, I based the story on the koran itself, together with several hadiths; i.e., those hadiths regarding Ayesha, Abu Bakr, and Zaid Ibn Haratha, the 'beloved' manslave of nutcase muhammad. From those writings, I deduced that muhammad was a deranged bisexual paedophile and a delusional, murderous lunatic of the first degree.

    Oh well - that's what religion gets you - insanity.
    Last edited by lemnoc; 01-31-2015 at 06:07 AM.

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    I am Mephistopheles lemnoc's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Incidentally - here are some links for easy, free 'Lost Verses of the Koran' downloads, should anyone be so inclined:

    https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bwe...E0NFRpZEk/view

    doc format - https://payhip.com/b/fkbG

    pdf format - https://payhip.com/b/uQ5E

    Kindle format - https://payhip.com/b/H4ep

    Nook format - https://payhip.com/b/bdS9

    Sony reader - https://payhip.com/b/leP4

    I truly hope everyone enjoys my writing - thank you in advance.

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    No 2 Larry's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Quote Originally Posted by Bobby Nipples View Post
    Great stuff. Totally got me hard. 9/10, would masturbate to this again.
    Power Of The Dollar is a great album. 50 used to be so doap.
    17'in in 2019

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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    I love readin quran in pitch blackness

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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Quote Originally Posted by Urethra Franklin View Post
    If a Muslim pissed me off I'd be all like "a buddy what's say you go get that ninja u call a wife over here and I'll show her what an orgasm feels like"
    just tell him his prophet was a liar,thief,murderer and pedophile ALL in the quran he had a 9 yr old wife
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    I am Mephistopheles lemnoc's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Hey mates - did anyone other than Bobby Nip read my 'Lost Verses'? I'm looking for critique on the story - thanx.
    Last edited by lemnoc; 02-02-2015 at 05:12 AM.

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    Rectangular Business Man Bobby Nipples's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Quote Originally Posted by lemnoc View Post
    Hey mates - did anyone other than Bobby Nip read my 'Lost Verses'? I'm looking for critique on the story - thanx.
    You know, I've been thinking about the story and I thought I might mention that the part that caught me the most off-guard was when Muhammad's spirit visibly leaves his body and goes into the rock inside the Kabba. Up until that point the story felt like a general criticism of Islam, but suddenly the implication was that Muhammad was, legitimately, possessed of an occult force. Up until then, everything was mundane and then, suddenly, the supernatural rears it's head.
    The implication, from my perspective, meant that his prophecy to Abu was a legitimate, "Allah" is real and exercises his will, and Abu's pederasty was either sanctioned or forced upon him by otherworldly forces.
    While I think this makes for a very dark and uniquely interesting story, I think that sudden departure from the mundane may undermine you if your intention is to spread an atheistic sentiment.
    Of course, this might be only _my_ interpretation as I've been reading a lot of Crowley lately. Frankly, I wouldn't want to see it changed, but I thought it worth mentioning if you're still looking for input.

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    I am Mephistopheles lemnoc's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Verses of the Koran

    Quote Originally Posted by Bobby Nipples View Post
    You know, I've been thinking about the story and I thought I might mention that the part that caught me the most off-guard was when Muhammad's spirit visibly leaves his body and goes into the rock inside the Kabba. Up until that point the story felt like a general criticism of Islam, but suddenly the implication was that Muhammad was, legitimately, possessed of an occult force. Up until then, everything was mundane and then, suddenly, the supernatural rears it's head.
    The implication, from my perspective, meant that his prophecy to Abu was a legitimate, "Allah" is real and exercises his will, and Abu's pederasty was either sanctioned or forced upon him by otherworldly forces.
    While I think this makes for a very dark and uniquely interesting story, I think that sudden departure from the mundane may undermine you if your intention is to spread an atheistic sentiment.
    Of course, this might be only _my_ interpretation as I've been reading a lot of Crowley lately. Frankly, I wouldn't want to see it changed, but I thought it worth mentioning if you're still looking for input.


    Yours is an interesting take on the story, thank you very much for your input; I reckon you are referring to Aleister Crowley the occultist. Though I am not a believer of any kind, I originally wrote and printed the Lost Verses out only as a joke to amuse my mates. One suggested I post it on the net, which I did starting in 2005 at various forums and Indymedia; many still exist today. During that time, others copied and altered it into numbered verses and the like, which I found quite amusing and actively encouraged. Finally I uploaded my original manuscript to a blog in 2006: http://pigallah.blogspot.com. The idea behind those ventures was to simply piss off muslims, which I thoroughly despise, whilst bearing no ill will toward any other religion.

    As far as the persona of 'allah' goes, my muhammad was an amoral, greedy, atheist con-man who simply wanted power, which is revealed in Surah 119 'The Thief', during his conversation with the merchant Sabri. In Surah 129, when Abu Bakr kills muhammad with a camel thighbone for murdering Fahimah; the spirit that leaves the body is an evil 'jinn' or demon that possessed him. Whether a ‘real’ muhammad personality existed beneath the ‘possessed’ muhammad is a matter of speculation, and is left for the reader to decide. Remember that his incestuous henchman Abu was a superstitious, gullible oaf, who then went on create his version of 'allah' that was not a pig, though his allah was yet another unreal anthropomorphic construct like all gods - a product of his own deranged imagination.

    All that said, I have taken it upon myself for the past few months to promote my “Lost Verses of the Koran” again, nearly a decade later, having published it for free on Smashwords and achieving nearly 6,000 downloads before it was pulled as ‘hate speech’ for whatever reason. Not that I really care, as I have planted the seeds, so to speak. I then uploaded Smashwords copies on various sharing sites and advertised it via Twitter and Facebook. Thanks to those Herculean efforts, it is still spreading, which is my intention. I wager no further active promotion by me is required, as I have other things to do with my time. Some muslims who have read it via Twitter have threatened to report me to the AFP and other authorities – for writing, mind you – I wish them luck.

    As I have related to others, you may feel free to share my work with anyone that you wish, in any fashion that you deem suitable. You may even sell copies you make if you like, and make some money for your effort.

    Now I can sit back, and laugh.
    Last edited by lemnoc; 02-03-2015 at 08:39 PM.

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